“UGHHHH”

Alex is my roommate in SF. We live in an apartment building.

Alex: “Do you ever hear our neighbors?”

Me: “Which ones?”

Alex: “Both. Above us and below us. The girls upstairs wear heels all the time and its so annoying.”

Me: “Oh yeah I’ve heard them upstairs. I’ve must have gotten used to it though. Did you get used to it?”

Alex: “What? Are you serious? Absolutely not. I hear it all the fucking time.”

Me: hehehehe

Alex: “Do you also hear Steve downstairs?”

Me: “… no?”

Alex: “Omg he MOANS all the time. I thought he was having sex all the time but now I don’t think so. Because its like every morning, afternoon and night. And during the night. Like anything happens he just goes ‘UGHHHHHHHHHH’.”

Me: “Sorry dude that sucks for you.”

Here In California

Hello fellow readers, I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while 😦

I still think about this blog very often, so don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about it. But I have told myself I will be posting more often, probably once or twice a month.

Well – here we go.

A few weeks ago, my car was in the body shop getting repaired so I had a Mazda 3 from Hertz as a loaner car.

i.oodleimg

So I was driving home on a Saturday afternoon and was about .02 miles away from my apartment building. I see a police car pull up to the street ahead of me, and I intuitively slow down. But I was already going the speed limit (I had just received a speeding ticket few days prior). So I told myself that I was fine. I was tired that day so I had my head resting on my hand with my elbow on the car door. I then drive by the cop and I see him pull out onto the street right behind me.

Uhm okay. And now he’s tailgating me, so I change lanes to the left lane. He does the same. I think nothing of it.

Then.

original

Are. you. fucking. kidding. me.

I JUST got a ticket a few days ago – this does not need to be happening.

I pull over into the USD parking lot (literally across from my apartment building), and stopped. The cop came up to the window.

Cop: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Me: “Uhm no.” I was expecting him to say that I was speeding or something. Which I wasn’t doing.

Cop: “Well, HEEERREEEE in CAliFORnia,” (Why the fuck is he telling me we’re in California?) “we don’t allow the use of cell phones while driving.”

I had been expecting him to say something I might have been guilty of, and I was prepared to be defensive. Not this time. I had no idea what he was talking about.

Me: “uh – uhm, wha – uhhhhhhhhh wait – wha-” I was stuttering because I was in shock that he was accusing me of something I didn’t do.

Me: “I didn’t – wait. I didn’t. I wasn’t. talking on the phone!”

Cop: “Well I saw you had your hand up on your ear.”

I had just remembered I had my head on my hand.

Me: “OHHH no I was resting my head on my hand!”

I could tell he wasn’t believing me. I was still in shock because I did not deserve this ticket.

Me: “Ok uhm well. If you look here,” (I point to my cochlear implant) “I have a cochlear implant. I have a severe hearing loss and I can’t talk on cell phones. So, that doesn’t even make sense.”

His face went white and his eyes were wide open.

Cop: “Oh. Well. Uhm, why do you have Arizona plates?”

Me: “It’s not my car. It’s a rental. My car’s in the shop.”

Cop: “Oh well why does this car have Arizona plates when we’re in California?”

Me: Oh because I stole Arizona plates off another car and put it on here. It’s because I deal drugs. I’m actually in the deaf mob. I’m known as Mos Deaf.

What the fuck do you expect?

“I don’t know. Probably because the previous renter drove it from Arizona to California.”

Cop: “Well that is strange.”

misc-jackie-chan

Cop: “Can I see your license and registration?”

I give him the info. He then goes to his car and then comes back after a few minutes.

Cop: “Ok you’re good to go. Just for future reference, make sure when you are getting pulled over that you pull over immediately and that you don’t wait until a parking lot or somewhere to pull into.”

Me: “Hmm ok. Thanks.” I think the bigger concern here is that you should be getting your eyes checked.

My Life is Deaf.

Make It Rain

The other night this week, I went to Target to buy a frame. I went up to the second floor and as I was going up I heard some faint music in the background and didn’t think much of it.

I got to the aisle where the picture frames were.

As I was looking around for the frame, I suddenly recognized the song that was playing in the background. I shifted my focus and started listening.

Keep dem dollars coming

And das gonna make me danceeeee

And das gonna make me danceeeeee

And das gonna make me danceeeee

Make it rain trick

Make it make it rain trick

Hell yeah this is my song… Target has some good taste…

Make it rain trick

Make it make it rain trick

I wonder if they’re playing the explicit version…


Make it rain trick

Make it make it rain trick

Make it rain trick

Make it make it rain trick

I start really focusing to listen for the explicit words.


I’ma MAKE it rain BITCH

I’ma MAKE it rain… UGH

Whoa.

I’ma MAKE it rain BITCH

Whoever the Target employee that’s playing this has some serious balls. Nice.

I’ma MAKE it rain UGH

Wait.



…. Shit.

I reach into my pocket, grab my phone, and immediately see this.

Image

On full volume. I quickly grab the picture frame I was looking for and walked away hoping to avoid anyone that might have been nearby.

My Life is Deaf.